


Ryan's Leather Jacket

by orphan_account



Series: Ryden Fanfictions [2]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Break Up, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pretty. Odd. Era, Repressed Memories, Sick Character, he gets real sad, ryan remembering a better time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 10:39:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10512066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ryan was looking through his jacket closet. Somewhere far in the back he finds a jacket he hadn't worn it what seemed like years. He slipped it on, and surprisingly it still fit pretty well. He put his hands in the pockets and noticed something, tiny but it was still there. It took it out, surprised. It was a tiny price of rolled up paper. He felt a pang in his chest, one he couldn't seem to ignore.





	

Ryan was looking through his jacket closet. Somewhere far in the back he finds a jacket he hadn't worn it what seemed like years. He slipped it on, and surprisingly it still fit pretty well. He put his hands in the pockets and noticed something, tiny but it was still there. It took it out, surprised. It was a tiny price of rolled up paper. He felt a pang in his chest, one he couldn't seem to ignore.

Suddenly, a memory hit him like a slap to the face. It all came flooding back to him.

"Ryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyan!" Brendon shouted from the bedroom. Ryan sighed, he'd just finished brushing his teeth. He made his way to his bedroom to see Brendon, sat on the floor, sadness written all over his face. In his hands was his favourite leather jacket, the one Ryan had gotten him for his birthday years ago. There was a rip in in the left armpit, and the sleeve was very worn, and from how much Brendon wore that jacket Ryan saw this coming for a while.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened, I was just trying to put it on and-" he blubbered, looking as if he was on the verge of tears. Ryan sunk down and sat I front of him, putting his hands on his quaking shoulders, shushing him

"Hey hey hey hey hey, it's alright, it's fine, we can get it fixed, alright? I'm not mad at you, these things happen." Ryan said calmly.

"But now I have nothing to wear! And you'll need to spend money that you don't need to an-" Ryan stopped his rambling with a kiss this time, soft and gentle, sweet. "You know I have no problem spending a little money on you." He said. Ryan stood, pulling Brendon up with him. He took the ripped jacket out of his boyfriends hands and laid it on the bed.

Then, he went into his closet, coming out with another one a few seconds later. He slid it onto Brendon and led him to the full length mirror in the hallway, smiling as he stood behind him as he looked himself over. This one was on of Ryan's favourites

"I think this one might look even better on you than it does on me." He told Brendon, kissing his cheek. Brendon smiled, wiping away a stray tear

"It smells like you," Brendon told Ryan "I like that smell, I wish I could smell this all the time.." Brendon turned, wrapping his arms around Ryan's neck and kissing his soft lips, the taste of toothpaste lingering on his tongue. Ryan reluctantly broke the kiss, sighing

"We're gonna be late if we don't hurry." Brendon gave his boyfriend a crooked smile, locking his fingers with his own as they made their way out the front door to Ryan's car. As they drove to sound check, Ryan noticed Brendon reaching down to the floor of the car, picking up an old fast food receipt. He tore it up neatly, placing the shreds of paper into the pocket of the leather jacket, and keeping the last one in his hand. He began rolling it back and forth in his fingers till it was rolled into a tight cylinder.

"Everything's going to be fine, you'll do great." Ryan told him. Brendon had been sick the past week, and he had completely lost his voice for the first time in his life. All the stress from concerts, interviews and photoshoots had caught up with him, and it scared him half to death. Though he'd recovered, he hadn't tried singing yet, and was beyond nervous. His nerves were all over the place, which explained the reason he was in tears over a ripped jacket.

"But what if I can't sing?" Brendon asked as they approached a red light. "What if I never sing again, and Pete decides you guys need to kick me out of the band and find a new singer, and, an-" Ryan leaned over and kissed Brendon again, and felt a tear slide down Brendon's face onto their interlocked lips. Ryan turned his attention back to the traffic in front of him, grabbing one of Brendon's shaking hands "You'll do fine, and Pete would never do that, I promise I won't let him." Brendon nodded and took in a shaky breath, grabbing another price of the torn up receipt from Ryan's jacket pocket.

* * *

".... _To see if I can catch a dream_...." Ryan and Brendon sang together. Brendon's voice was as strong as ever, just as everyone had expected.

"Told you you were fine," Ryan said, walking over to him and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"That's all we need from you boys for now!" Someone yelled to the Ryan, Jon, Spencer and Brendon. The four of them made their way off the stage, to see Pete waiting for them.

"Look who's up and running again!" Pete said to Brendon, patting him on the shoulder. "I knew I was making the right decision with you boys. How about after this show we go out to celebrate, my treat?" The four of them agreed, nothing beats hanging out with Pete Wentz. ' _Well, almost nothing_...' Ryan and Brendon both thought, giving the other a quick glance and a smirk.

Ryan didn't remember much of the rest of that night. He remembered Brendon being a ball of nerves until the concert, loosing all but one of those tiny receipt fragments. He remembered the looks he and his boyfriend shared while singing that night. Northern Downpour, When The Day Met The Night, and Do You Know What I'm Seeing had the two sharing glances of lust, want, hunger, need, a yearning for each other all throughout the performance. He remembered celebrating Brendon's return from his illness that night with not only Jon, Spencer, Brendon and Pete, but the rest of Fall Out Boy as well. And how could he forget the wonderful, _beautiful_ night that followed, the two of them being slightly intoxicated only making the night even more passionate.

Not to mention it was their last wonderful, beautiful night together.

Tears formed in his eyes as he remembered telling Brendon that he was leaving Panic! with Jon.

"We'll make this work... It'll be hard.. But we'll make it work....." Brendon had said... He remembered seeing Brendon spend so much time with Dallon... How Brendon promised it was only because they had to practise for concerts and do shows... And thinking about it now he had been telling the truth, as far as Ryan knew there was nothing between the two whatsoever.... Then Ryan remembered how he had been too jealous to realize that sooner. Blinded by his envy, his _longing_ for Brendon's touch on the stage, the touch he was giving to Dallon..... _Dallon..._

He remembered the yelling, the packing of clothes.... "If you can't trust me when I tell you that there is nothing going on between Dallon and I, then this relationship can't work!!" Brendon yelled as he threw the very jacket Ryan was now wearing at his feet.

"I jus... I don't trust him with you! I see the way he looks at you!! He looks at you the same way you used to look at me!!" Ryan had shouted, obviously hurt. He instantly regretted those words that left his mouth

"I guess I haven't looked at you that way in a while, have I?!" Brendon shouted, choking back tears as he walked over to the door, his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. "We can't make this work anymore, Ryan. I love you, but I can't do this anymore... I'm sorry." Brendon said as he walked out of the door. He turned and faced Ryan once last time. "And good luck with your band.." He whispered before leaving. That was the last thing Brendon had ever said to Ryan...

Ryan took the jacket off and smelled it... After all these years it still smelled like him... Ryan wiped the tears from his eyes. He slipped the jacket back on, carefully, slid into his shoes and walked out the door of his quiet, still, dead home, alone, rolling the tiny piece of paper back and forth between his fingers in the worn pocket of that leather jacket, remembering, and wondering what could've been...

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a sometime last year and haven't really done anything with it, so I'm posting it now. Don't know what I did to the formatting, thought it fits the story. I don't know. Hope you liked it.


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